word of the day: shutup!!!!!
as most of you know (because you know me), i'm not terribly fond of christmas music. i am going to use this opportunity to explain why this is so.
ahem.
perhaps you are thinking, maybe she just doesn't like xmas. this is not the case. i don't like how commercialized it has become (just like charlie brown). but i really think that when you try hard enough, you can actually have a decent xmas by simply ignoring all the people around you who are scurrying around trying to find ridiculous presents for people they don't know who probably don't want a present from them anyway. simplicistic values flourish in the xmas season, contrary to popular belief. less really is more, at least in my personal opinion. and by less i mean "stuff" and by more i mean "thought." so, no, i do not hate x-mas.
maybe if you don't know me, you might think i hate music. for all you out there who do know me and are laughing right now, you know that is a ludicrous statement. but, you are getting warmer...
let me just start by saying this: most xmas music sucks. it does. admit it. the melodies are boring and repetitive. the lyrics are terrifying. and must they all involve a flute? for the most part, it's just bad music altogether. not to mention the fact that everyone and their friggin mother has to get in on the deal. how many people really need to come out with their own rendition of "have yourself a merry little xmas?" it seems like there are an awful lot of people who think they can do just a slightly better job than the 50 million other people who have already recorded that damn song. it's not that i don't like the song itself (my personal favorite version is with john denver and rolf, the muppet dog) but you can really only hear it so many times before it crawls underneath your skin and starts gnawing at things, as is true with almost any song.
that brings me to my next point: please, consumer, let me cram this music down your throat. why do we need to start listening to it before thanksgiving? why are there radio stations that completely discard their normal genre of music in order to play xmas music 24 hours a day? i understand that it has been proven that people spend more money when they hear xmas music in the store they are shopping in but i work at a service center for cars. what exactly are those people going to spend more money on? "oh, hell. i know i don't need 'em but throw some brakes on there too. hey, it's xmas!!" i just don't see it happening. why, then, am i listening to jingle bells in the filing room?
my third point: who the hell wrote this shit? has anyone heard "hey santa" by wilson philips? holy god, that is an absolutely horrible, horrible song! let's not even get into the fact that it's sung by the most annoying trio of women i could imagine. and there's one song called "the holiday season" that could very possibly be my least favorite song in the whole entire world. here are some lyrics from that piece of garbage:
It's the holiday season
And Santa Claus has got a toy
For every good girl and good little boy
He's a great big bundle of joy
He'll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down
He'll have a big fat pack upon his back
And lots of goodies for you and me
So leave a peppermint stick for old St. Nick
Hanging on the Christmas tree
It's the holiday season
With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock
And don't forget to hang up your sock
Cause just exactly at 12 o'clock
He'll be coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney
Coming down the chimney, down!
what the french toast??? "a big fat pack upon his back"?? that sounds pornographic! and what's this "whoop-de-do and hickory dock" business? are those biblical terms???
and why do so many songs need to make such a big deal about being "home for the holidays?" ya know, some people can't go home for the holidays. many times, it is the same people who are forced to listen to this bullcrap all day at work because they work in retail and, if they live far from home, aren't allowed to go home for the holidays. after all, it is the busiest time of the year. take me, for example. i moved 3000 miles away from my entire family, made the "decision" to work in retail and then had to listen about how everything is just so much more spectacular when you can spend xmas at home. well that's just great. i can't afford to go home, my boss won't let me go home even if i could and now i'm forced to listen to these morons tell me how empty my life will be because "i will (not) be home for christmas."
so there you have it. with all that said, there are actually a few xmas songs that, when i am permitted to listen to them on my own terms a week or so before xmas, i actually enjoy. i shall list them for you:
river -- joni mitchell
2000 miles -- the pretenders
christmas time is here -- vince guaraldi
the entire john denver & the muppets album
celebrate me home -- kenny loggins
o holy night -- pavarotti
last christmas -- wham!
(christmas) baby please come home -- u2
do they know it's christmas? -- various artists
i'm sure there are a few others but that's generally it.
i hope this has cleared some things up. i'm not a "scrooge," i'm just very selective about my holiday music. but only 8 more days til i can start listening to the radio in my car again. insert: big, giant sigh of relief....
4 comments:
you totally forgot to add celine dion's "walking with you in the winter snow" to the list of songs you like. i know you said it wasn't all-inclusive, but i just wanted to make sure that you hadn't forgotten to play that one this year. it's so heartwarming...
the best part about my current pseudo-job is that i have a cd player in the stockroom--it's been a much better holiday for it. i seriously think it's part of why i'm actually liking christmas this year. no stupid christmas music = less desire to commit large-scale homicide. crazy.
you're right! i did forget that one but i believe it's called "walking with you in the winter schneeeooow."
people who LIKE xmas music have clearly never worked in retail!
true dat!!
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