22 November 2007
utopia lost.
i found out some horribly tragic news tonight about the city i love and a friend i knew. he wasn't one of my closest friends but he was a close friend of one of my closest friends in portland. he was murdered in his own home in north portland. they aren't sure but i think the police believe it was a burglary. i am dumbstruck right now. i can't process it. i'm exhausted but i can't sleep. i can't think of anything but what a good person he was. i had hung out with him a bunch of times and he was always so funny and happy and so sweet. and now he's gone for no reason and it's just so crazy. i know it's thanksgiving and i don't mean to put a damper on the holiday but i can't help but think that this is a reminder to be thankful of everything you have and every breath you take. so much time is wasted on meaningless crap and it's just such an incredible shame. my heart goes out to his family and all of his friends. i can't imagine what they must be going through. i wish all of you a safe holiday.
19 November 2007
pilgrims rock!
what's up with snow before thanksgiving? i don't remember this happening too often but it happened today. i had to scrape snow and fallen leaves off my car windows this morning and like 4 days ago it was 60 degrees. there are still some trees in my neighborhood with green leaves. hi, global warming.
speaking of thanksgiving, let's talk a little bit about my favorite holiday in the whole wide world. it's the one national holiday that doesn't anger me in some way. christmas is annoying because people start preparing for it so far in advance that by the time it comes, nobody really feels like celebrating it anymore. halloween is mostly for kids (even though some adults get into it in slightly disturbing ways). easter is really pointless unless you're religious (which i'm not. see previous post: oh, ye of little faith). 4th of july? it's alright, i guess. i don't usually do anything except drink until fireworks become more entertaining...so, yeah, thanksgiving: two thumbs up. plus, any day that is devoted entirely to eating and drinking is my kind of holiday. not to mention the fact that my family does it right. my mom is probably one of the best cooks i know (and it's not just because she's my mom). the only person i know who is on par with my mom is my aunt (my mom's sister interestingly enough). and who does all the cooking for thanksgiving? why, my mom and my aunt, of course. it's very simple but so amazingly good.
i'll give you a run down of our menu:
speaking of thanksgiving, let's talk a little bit about my favorite holiday in the whole wide world. it's the one national holiday that doesn't anger me in some way. christmas is annoying because people start preparing for it so far in advance that by the time it comes, nobody really feels like celebrating it anymore. halloween is mostly for kids (even though some adults get into it in slightly disturbing ways). easter is really pointless unless you're religious (which i'm not. see previous post: oh, ye of little faith). 4th of july? it's alright, i guess. i don't usually do anything except drink until fireworks become more entertaining...so, yeah, thanksgiving: two thumbs up. plus, any day that is devoted entirely to eating and drinking is my kind of holiday. not to mention the fact that my family does it right. my mom is probably one of the best cooks i know (and it's not just because she's my mom). the only person i know who is on par with my mom is my aunt (my mom's sister interestingly enough). and who does all the cooking for thanksgiving? why, my mom and my aunt, of course. it's very simple but so amazingly good.
i'll give you a run down of our menu:
- turkey, always 1 ovenroasted, sometimes a deep fried one and/or a smoked one in addition (depending on how ambitious my cousins are)
- turnips (sounds gross but sooooo good)
- mashed potatoes (sometimes done in the twice baked version)
- green beans with almonds
- mashed sweet potatoes
- stuffed mushrooms (those were my idea about 15 years ago and it stuck)
- cornbread and sausage stuffing (made from scratch, not out of a box)
- cranberry sauce (both canned and homemade)
- a whole lot of wine
- pumpkin pie
- pecan pie
- sweet potato pie
- apple cake
- homemade whipped cream
mmmm...so excited for thanksgiving... only bad part about this fantastic day: it usually marks the beginning of
please pass me my red plastic shovel.
do you remember being the age that you actually thought it was possible to dig your way to china? i do. i tried a couple of times on the beach at long pond on cape cod. i thought i was making pretty good progress when i would hit water. i don't know why this would have been seen as a good sign but it always seemed to please me.
oh, what sweet bliss to be so ridiculously naiive.
oh, what sweet bliss to be so ridiculously naiive.
13 November 2007
oh, ye of little faith.
word of the day: pious: (adj) having or exhibiting religious reverence; also: marked by false devoutness; solemnly hypocritical.
song of the day: "losing my religion" -- r.e.m.
sometimes i wonder if all catholics question their faith at some point, if not totally abandon it forever. as much as i hate to admit to being a quitter, i am a catholicism abandoner. there. i said it.
it's not so much the "jesus" thing that bothers me. i think it's the "high horse" thing. now, most of my extended family still consider themselves to be practicing catholics. they do the whole church-every-sunday thing and the invite-the-local-priest-to-family-functions thing. their children are alter boys/girls. they know all the responses to all the prayers and when they're supposed to sit, kneel, stand, pray, look guilty, etc during mass. but what they seem to do extraordinarily well is look down upon those that don't know exactly what's going on in church; they notice that there are people (namely, me) who haven't memorized all the words to the entire mass, that we roll our eyes when we have to stand up again (we just sat down, for god's sake), and that we wouldn't know the priest if he whacked the back of our hands with a yard stick. (it's lucky that the priest wears that little collar thing or i definitely would never recognize him. phew. at least someone's trying to help me out.)
i was never brought to church by my parents when i was younger. not even on easter or christmas. my parents weren't that big on it which was fine with me. i did the whole ccd/communion/confirmation thing basically for my grandmother. i didn't really have an opinion either way and it seemed to make her happy so, why not? but as i got older, i started rethinking the catholic thing and, now, i basically don't agree with too many of their basic principles. so, here i stand, virtually religionless by choice.
now, i'm only speaking for the catholics i come in direct contact with because i'm sure there are some out there who don't try to make you feel bad all the time, but why do they try to make you feel bad all the time? doesn't this go against some sort of apostle-like teaching? isn't there a leper story i could tell here? i thought catholics were supposed to be forgiving. they sure use that word a lot. i haven't had too many experiences with catholics that involved a whole lot of forgiveness. or tolerance. or thoughts free from judgment. these are all things i thought (and was taught in those helpful and interesting ccd classes) that true catholics were supposed to be practicing.
i know what you're thinking: that this has nothing to do with anyone judging me; that this is all in my head; that it is just guilt that has made me so paranoid. and why, pray tell, would i being feeling guilty? because i was raised catholic, that's why! they started teaching "how to feel guilty 101" before anything else. here is a fond memory of my catholic upbringing: i was 7 years old and i had misplaced my ccd book so i did not bring it to class. i remember my mom kept telling me in the car on the way there, "say you can't find it. don't say you forgot it." to her, there seemed to be a big difference between the lost book and the forgotten book. being seven, when the nun asked where my book was, i said i forgot it. sweet jesus, you would have thought that i had just slapped her across her little nun face. she went on and on (in front of the whole class no less) about how crazy it was that i could forget the one and only thing i was supposed to bring with me to class. granted, she was kind of right but i was SEVEN! cut me some friggin' slack!! my mom, who attended only catholic schools, was probably trying to save me some grief. she was so adamant about me saying that my book was lost and not forgotten that i'm assuming she had been in or witnessed a similar "nun freakout." perhaps all nuns are taught to belittle the forgetters and forgive the losers. maybe if she knew i had lost my book the nun would have tried to help me by saying a prayer to st. anthony to find it. for all you non-catholics out there, he's the patron saint of lost stuff. we used to pray to him all the time when my dad (named: anthony. go figure) couldn't find his keys. (i use "pray" here very loosely--basically, just merely uttering the phrase "say a prayer to st. anthony" constituted an actual "prayer." i told you my parents weren't religious.) but i guess there isn't a saint for forgotten books. i'm sure that nun prayed for me that night, though.
so...perhaps this is why i "left the church." i still blame the church for why i'm no longer a "follower." and i stand my ground on the belief that my holier-than-thou relatives are judging me. if you knew them, you'd agree. it's not that they're bad people; they just don't understand my decision to take another religious route (which i'm still deciding on.) so, at the next family mass i'm forced to go to, when i don't go up to receive communion (because in addition to not being a catholic, i'm also not a hypocrite) my catholic relatives can sit (or is it kneel?) and look down their catholic noses at me all they want. they can even pray for me if they feel it is necessary. but it's ok. i will forgive them.
song of the day: "losing my religion" -- r.e.m.
sometimes i wonder if all catholics question their faith at some point, if not totally abandon it forever. as much as i hate to admit to being a quitter, i am a catholicism abandoner. there. i said it.
it's not so much the "jesus" thing that bothers me. i think it's the "high horse" thing. now, most of my extended family still consider themselves to be practicing catholics. they do the whole church-every-sunday thing and the invite-the-local-priest-to-family-functions thing. their children are alter boys/girls. they know all the responses to all the prayers and when they're supposed to sit, kneel, stand, pray, look guilty, etc during mass. but what they seem to do extraordinarily well is look down upon those that don't know exactly what's going on in church; they notice that there are people (namely, me) who haven't memorized all the words to the entire mass, that we roll our eyes when we have to stand up again (we just sat down, for god's sake), and that we wouldn't know the priest if he whacked the back of our hands with a yard stick. (it's lucky that the priest wears that little collar thing or i definitely would never recognize him. phew. at least someone's trying to help me out.)
i was never brought to church by my parents when i was younger. not even on easter or christmas. my parents weren't that big on it which was fine with me. i did the whole ccd/communion/confirmation thing basically for my grandmother. i didn't really have an opinion either way and it seemed to make her happy so, why not? but as i got older, i started rethinking the catholic thing and, now, i basically don't agree with too many of their basic principles. so, here i stand, virtually religionless by choice.
now, i'm only speaking for the catholics i come in direct contact with because i'm sure there are some out there who don't try to make you feel bad all the time, but why do they try to make you feel bad all the time? doesn't this go against some sort of apostle-like teaching? isn't there a leper story i could tell here? i thought catholics were supposed to be forgiving. they sure use that word a lot. i haven't had too many experiences with catholics that involved a whole lot of forgiveness. or tolerance. or thoughts free from judgment. these are all things i thought (and was taught in those helpful and interesting ccd classes) that true catholics were supposed to be practicing.
i know what you're thinking: that this has nothing to do with anyone judging me; that this is all in my head; that it is just guilt that has made me so paranoid. and why, pray tell, would i being feeling guilty? because i was raised catholic, that's why! they started teaching "how to feel guilty 101" before anything else. here is a fond memory of my catholic upbringing: i was 7 years old and i had misplaced my ccd book so i did not bring it to class. i remember my mom kept telling me in the car on the way there, "say you can't find it. don't say you forgot it." to her, there seemed to be a big difference between the lost book and the forgotten book. being seven, when the nun asked where my book was, i said i forgot it. sweet jesus, you would have thought that i had just slapped her across her little nun face. she went on and on (in front of the whole class no less) about how crazy it was that i could forget the one and only thing i was supposed to bring with me to class. granted, she was kind of right but i was SEVEN! cut me some friggin' slack!! my mom, who attended only catholic schools, was probably trying to save me some grief. she was so adamant about me saying that my book was lost and not forgotten that i'm assuming she had been in or witnessed a similar "nun freakout." perhaps all nuns are taught to belittle the forgetters and forgive the losers. maybe if she knew i had lost my book the nun would have tried to help me by saying a prayer to st. anthony to find it. for all you non-catholics out there, he's the patron saint of lost stuff. we used to pray to him all the time when my dad (named: anthony. go figure) couldn't find his keys. (i use "pray" here very loosely--basically, just merely uttering the phrase "say a prayer to st. anthony" constituted an actual "prayer." i told you my parents weren't religious.) but i guess there isn't a saint for forgotten books. i'm sure that nun prayed for me that night, though.
so...perhaps this is why i "left the church." i still blame the church for why i'm no longer a "follower." and i stand my ground on the belief that my holier-than-thou relatives are judging me. if you knew them, you'd agree. it's not that they're bad people; they just don't understand my decision to take another religious route (which i'm still deciding on.) so, at the next family mass i'm forced to go to, when i don't go up to receive communion (because in addition to not being a catholic, i'm also not a hypocrite) my catholic relatives can sit (or is it kneel?) and look down their catholic noses at me all they want. they can even pray for me if they feel it is necessary. but it's ok. i will forgive them.
11 November 2007
the one and only good thing about my job.
song of the day: "lay your hands on me" -- the thompson twins
three cheers for the full body massage!!! i had one yesterday (a holiday present from my insanely wealthy employer—he gave one to all the office employees and service advisors in the entire company) and it was glorious. it was my second one ever and i really wish i could afford to have one at least twice a year. they are just the most amazing things—and, if you know me at all, you’ll know i’m not a big fan of people entering my personal space. but it just feels too good to let that get in the way.
the only thing about this one that bothered me just a little is that she was talking to me while she was massaging me. now, i don’t know about you but when i’m being massaged, i like to pretend someone hot, like, say, matt damon, is massaging me. not that this woman was unattractive but you know what i mean. so when you’re talking to me and you don’t sound like matt damon, you’re kind of ruining my experience. luckily, she put a lid on it after about 5 minutes and let matt do his job. since i hold all my tension in my back and shoulders, it tends to spread to my arms and legs if i don’t do something about it. so this was absolute perfect timing because i was just starting to feel mounting pressure in my shoulders and, now, it’s gone!
i love you, full body massage! you rock my world!
three cheers for the full body massage!!! i had one yesterday (a holiday present from my insanely wealthy employer—he gave one to all the office employees and service advisors in the entire company) and it was glorious. it was my second one ever and i really wish i could afford to have one at least twice a year. they are just the most amazing things—and, if you know me at all, you’ll know i’m not a big fan of people entering my personal space. but it just feels too good to let that get in the way.
the only thing about this one that bothered me just a little is that she was talking to me while she was massaging me. now, i don’t know about you but when i’m being massaged, i like to pretend someone hot, like, say, matt damon, is massaging me. not that this woman was unattractive but you know what i mean. so when you’re talking to me and you don’t sound like matt damon, you’re kind of ruining my experience. luckily, she put a lid on it after about 5 minutes and let matt do his job. since i hold all my tension in my back and shoulders, it tends to spread to my arms and legs if i don’t do something about it. so this was absolute perfect timing because i was just starting to feel mounting pressure in my shoulders and, now, it’s gone!
i love you, full body massage! you rock my world!
08 November 2007
good thing i get 30 miles to the gallon.
song of the day: "on the road to find out" -- cat stevens
two days in a row now i've done something i haven't done in a really long time: i got lost. i'm usually not a fan of losing my way. i use mapquest or google maps whenever i need to go somewhere i've never been, even if i kind of know where it is, and especially if i have some type of appointment for which i shouldn't be late. i tend to arrive at least 15 minutes early for everything. i usually overestimate how much time most things will take. but i forgot that getting lost can be kind of fun.
yesterday, i kind of got lost on purpose. i was having my oil changed somewhere i've never been before. i checked on mapquest before i left for how to get there and how to get back, like i always do. on my way home, however, i missed my turn. i could have made a u-turn but i was on a really nasty road with a divider and i would have had to wait for a jug-handle so i just turned off the next road. i was just far enough from home to make it interesting but not scary. i made turns where i thought i should and eventually found a road i recognized. then, when i found out i was going the wrong way on that road (towards the town of elizabeth--no good), i made a u-turn and went home. today's adventure was not planned. the town of milburn planned it for me by deciding to repave part of my route home. but i did the same thing and eventually made it home.
although the rising price of gas will most likely decrease my chances of getting lost on purpose anytime in the near future, i realized that it definitely has its benefits. as lame as it may sound, it reminded me that i am more self-sufficient than i think i am, that getting lost both physically and figuratively can be the answer to that question i've been asking myself, and, perhaps most importantly, that i am my own tom-tom.
so my advice to you is this: get lost. you never know what you might find.
two days in a row now i've done something i haven't done in a really long time: i got lost. i'm usually not a fan of losing my way. i use mapquest or google maps whenever i need to go somewhere i've never been, even if i kind of know where it is, and especially if i have some type of appointment for which i shouldn't be late. i tend to arrive at least 15 minutes early for everything. i usually overestimate how much time most things will take. but i forgot that getting lost can be kind of fun.
yesterday, i kind of got lost on purpose. i was having my oil changed somewhere i've never been before. i checked on mapquest before i left for how to get there and how to get back, like i always do. on my way home, however, i missed my turn. i could have made a u-turn but i was on a really nasty road with a divider and i would have had to wait for a jug-handle so i just turned off the next road. i was just far enough from home to make it interesting but not scary. i made turns where i thought i should and eventually found a road i recognized. then, when i found out i was going the wrong way on that road (towards the town of elizabeth--no good), i made a u-turn and went home. today's adventure was not planned. the town of milburn planned it for me by deciding to repave part of my route home. but i did the same thing and eventually made it home.
although the rising price of gas will most likely decrease my chances of getting lost on purpose anytime in the near future, i realized that it definitely has its benefits. as lame as it may sound, it reminded me that i am more self-sufficient than i think i am, that getting lost both physically and figuratively can be the answer to that question i've been asking myself, and, perhaps most importantly, that i am my own tom-tom.
so my advice to you is this: get lost. you never know what you might find.
06 November 2007
some may say i have too much time on my hands...
i wrote a song about sweaters. it goes a little something like this:
i love sweaters.
yes, i love sweaters.
i like 'em so much
'cause they make me feel better.
they keep me warm
when my house is cold.
i like my gray one best
even though it's old.
sweaters are nice.
sweaters are good.
i just got a purple one.
and it has a hood!
oh, i love sweaters.
who doesn't love sweaterrrrrrrrs?
whoever doesn't
should be hit upside the head-er.
tada!
sorry about the last line. not too many words rhyme with sweater.
i love sweaters.
yes, i love sweaters.
i like 'em so much
'cause they make me feel better.
they keep me warm
when my house is cold.
i like my gray one best
even though it's old.
sweaters are nice.
sweaters are good.
i just got a purple one.
and it has a hood!
oh, i love sweaters.
who doesn't love sweaterrrrrrrrs?
whoever doesn't
should be hit upside the head-er.
tada!
sorry about the last line. not too many words rhyme with sweater.
01 November 2007
no door is this heavy.
word of the day: altruism (noun) unselfish concern for the welfare of others
song of the day: "let my love open the door" -- pete townsend
i really hate to dump on jersey all the time but, good god, it's just so flippin' easy. people are constantly giving me reason to ball my fists and mutter under my breath and today, i'll have you know, was no exception.
i stopped by quick chek this morning for coffee (is quick chek a national chain? i'm not sure. but just so you know, i am spelling it right--no second "c" in the "check"). i wish there was a place that sold better coffee that was just as convenient but that would be too much to ask so quick chek it is. i was walking up to the front entrance and i noticed a woman keeping the door open for me. let me just say that this gesture is uncommon in this area. actually, most polite gestures are uncommon in this area but this one in particular is virtually extinct. i don't really remember what the protocol was in portland, oregon...did people hold doors open there? maybe it was so normal that i never noticed. i do remember significant door holding in college. people in massachusetts would wait for someone who was a half a mile away. i thought that was a bit excessive and sometimes, if the door was being held for me, i would feel as though i should sprint so i didn't waste more of the doorholder's time. occasionally, on the days i didn't feel like running, i would change my route or start rummaging through my bag so the doorholder would give up on me and just continue on their way.
so, anyway, this morning, as force of habit, i did the quick jog thing to make it look like i was at least semi-appreciative. and as always, when my hand came in contact with the door, i said "thank you." well, this crazy lunatic obviously didn't hear me thank her because she turned around with this look on her face like i had just kicked her in the shin and said in sarcastic annoyance, "you're welcome." i just looked at her with what i am sure was exhausted disgust and quietly said "i said thank you." she then mumbled something unintelligible that i believe was a version of "sorry, i'm a stupid jackass who is angry at the world."
my question is: why, WHY, did you hold the door open for me? was it to be nice? was is because it is what you think you should do? because you wanted to? you were bored? had extra time? what?? because i really don't need your politeness if you immediately follow it with unnecessary nastiness. really. don't do me any favors. while i am grateful that you thought of me, i'm perfectly capable of opening a door. i did go to college. if the whole point of your good deed is to get a thank you out of it (which i did give; you just weren't listening, you cranky quick chek shopper), then maybe you should rethink your good-deed-doing. there was a "friends" episode about this. phoebe made a bet with joey that there are good deeds that can be done without expecting that feel-good feeling afterwards. she let a bee sting her to make the bee look manly in front of his bee friends. then joey pointed out that the bee probably died after it stung her. so nobody won. something to think about all you door-holder-thank-you-awaiters out there. i'm not in any way advocating the lack of a "thank you" when a "thank you" is due, but if you do something nice to be nice, leave it at that. your expectations just make you look petty instead of the chivalrous outcome you were going for.
but, to be honest, i can't say i blame the cranky quick chek shopper that much for her bad attitude. after all, she does live in this wretched state full of ungrateful, selfish maniacs. maybe someone had just cut her off in the parking lot. who knows? but i can be sure of one thing: if she tries holding the door open for me again, i'm going to pretend i need to tie my shoe.
song of the day: "let my love open the door" -- pete townsend
i really hate to dump on jersey all the time but, good god, it's just so flippin' easy. people are constantly giving me reason to ball my fists and mutter under my breath and today, i'll have you know, was no exception.
i stopped by quick chek this morning for coffee (is quick chek a national chain? i'm not sure. but just so you know, i am spelling it right--no second "c" in the "check"). i wish there was a place that sold better coffee that was just as convenient but that would be too much to ask so quick chek it is. i was walking up to the front entrance and i noticed a woman keeping the door open for me. let me just say that this gesture is uncommon in this area. actually, most polite gestures are uncommon in this area but this one in particular is virtually extinct. i don't really remember what the protocol was in portland, oregon...did people hold doors open there? maybe it was so normal that i never noticed. i do remember significant door holding in college. people in massachusetts would wait for someone who was a half a mile away. i thought that was a bit excessive and sometimes, if the door was being held for me, i would feel as though i should sprint so i didn't waste more of the doorholder's time. occasionally, on the days i didn't feel like running, i would change my route or start rummaging through my bag so the doorholder would give up on me and just continue on their way.
so, anyway, this morning, as force of habit, i did the quick jog thing to make it look like i was at least semi-appreciative. and as always, when my hand came in contact with the door, i said "thank you." well, this crazy lunatic obviously didn't hear me thank her because she turned around with this look on her face like i had just kicked her in the shin and said in sarcastic annoyance, "you're welcome." i just looked at her with what i am sure was exhausted disgust and quietly said "i said thank you." she then mumbled something unintelligible that i believe was a version of "sorry, i'm a stupid jackass who is angry at the world."
my question is: why, WHY, did you hold the door open for me? was it to be nice? was is because it is what you think you should do? because you wanted to? you were bored? had extra time? what?? because i really don't need your politeness if you immediately follow it with unnecessary nastiness. really. don't do me any favors. while i am grateful that you thought of me, i'm perfectly capable of opening a door. i did go to college. if the whole point of your good deed is to get a thank you out of it (which i did give; you just weren't listening, you cranky quick chek shopper), then maybe you should rethink your good-deed-doing. there was a "friends" episode about this. phoebe made a bet with joey that there are good deeds that can be done without expecting that feel-good feeling afterwards. she let a bee sting her to make the bee look manly in front of his bee friends. then joey pointed out that the bee probably died after it stung her. so nobody won. something to think about all you door-holder-thank-you-awaiters out there. i'm not in any way advocating the lack of a "thank you" when a "thank you" is due, but if you do something nice to be nice, leave it at that. your expectations just make you look petty instead of the chivalrous outcome you were going for.
but, to be honest, i can't say i blame the cranky quick chek shopper that much for her bad attitude. after all, she does live in this wretched state full of ungrateful, selfish maniacs. maybe someone had just cut her off in the parking lot. who knows? but i can be sure of one thing: if she tries holding the door open for me again, i'm going to pretend i need to tie my shoe.
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