peace in the form of an mp3.

song of the day: "personal jesus" -- depeche mode

i'm convinced that the building that i work in was built on some sort of sacred burial ground. seriously. either that or someone made a deal with the devil during the construction of it. the place just exudes evil. i could be in the best mood ever in my car on the way to work. maybe i had a really good day or just got really awesome news or maybe i'm just friggin' happy for no particular reason at all. but as soon as i put my directional on to make the turn into the parking lot, something changes. i can actually feel my spirits start to fall. it happens every single time, no matter how hard i will it not to. and i've heard other people say the same thing. there is some sort of negative energy radiating from that place. it sucks all the life out of me. by the time i leave, i'm physically and mentally exhausted. but when i start driving home, i'm back to normal. all vital signs return as well as my previous good mood. it's the craziest shit ever.

now, i do filing for a few hours a week (hopefully...i'm a bit concerned i may be laid off soon because it's way slower than it used to be) which means that i walk around alone, shuffling papers from one room to the next. i have a desk but i rarely sit at it and the job is ridiculously mindless. so, since i'm an over-thinker by nature, my brain has an awful lot of free time to bring up all my worries and concerns and any other needless thoughts that can cause me grief. have you ever over analyzed your life when you're in a bad mood? holy crap, it's depressing as all hell! this is a habit i have that i don't like and i am in the process of making it stop ASAP. i'm allowed to listen to my ipod at work which worked for a while. i have about 1200 songs on there and i thought that would be enough for me. but music just hasn't been doing the trick lately. i can tune it out and my brain is still going full speed ahead with new and unusual things i can think about. so what the crap do i do now?

well, i decided that instead of listening to music on my ipod, i was going to listen to audiobooks. i figured listening to a book on my ipod would work much better in the whole distracting department because i'd actually need to listen. and i was right! and to kick it up a notch, i have decided to choose happy, uplifting types of books to make filing in satan's den that much more enjoyable. yet, choosing happy uplifting books did pose somewhat of a problem. i usually enjoy books with a bit of tragedy in them. i don't know why. i love law & order and anything on 20/20 or dateline, true crime, all that nonsense. love it. i couldn't tell you why. but i didn't really think that those types of storylines would serve my purpose very well. so i tried something i never thought i would...the spiritual route...

ok. here's the deal. i don't have a ton of what most would refer to as "spirituality." let me define what i mean here. it's not that i don't believe in a god, per se. it's more that the god that i was introduced to sounded a little bit like, well, a jerk. see, i was raised catholic at a not-so-tolerant church (see previous post "oh, ye of little faith") that governed itself mostly by promoting fear and guilt in it's parishioners while still managing to breed hatred and judgment. coming out of my confirmation, i was torn between believing what i was supposed to believe and believing what i thought i should believe. they were two very, very different things.

as a teenager, i was a confused catholic. as an adult, i essentially became an agnostic, neither denying nor confirming my belief in anything. i was jaded, annoyed and kinda pissed that i spent so much time committing myself to a religion that i truly despised. how dare they tell me that god loves everyone as long as they follow the rules. step outside the boundary just a little and you're no longer welcome. that's not unconditional love; it's a sham.

so needless to say, for the past 10 years or so, anytime anyone mentioned anything slightly "spiritual" to me, i sort of turned a deaf ear. i listened to what they had to say and just smiled and nodded and left it at that. i didn't have a problem with other people's beliefs, i just never saw them as my own. i tried a few different avenues here and there but nothing ever really interested me. i was completely and totally turned off by the entire subject.

until now.

this book is awesome.

the funny thing is, i used to hate crap like this. it seemed so hokey and granola and just, well, ridiculous to me. you're telling me that a book written by one dude is gonna change my life? oh, puh-lease. but the truth is that it did. big time. i'll admit that there were some parts where i rolled my eyes a little but it was only at some of the language that he used, not the message. i'm not going to get all personal and explain why this book was so unbelievably life-changing for me. in fact, i don't even know that i could. and it doesn't really say anything that i didn't already know was true. i think i was just ready to hear it and, more than that, ready to accept it.

my day goes by much quicker at work now and my mood has improved exponentially while i'm there. in fact, listening to things like this doesn't just maintain my happiness, it actually brings the level up a few degrees from wherever it was. it turns a not-so-good day into a good day and good day into a great day.

i mentioned faith in one of my previous posts and i think that religion and spirituality are things i needed to come to terms with on my own. i wouldn't allow the catholic church to force me into believing what they thought was right because i knew it was wrong...for me. i have faith but it's in myself, not in something that i can't see or feel. and i don't think there's anything wrong with that. and i don't think any unconditional-love-proclaiming god would either.

age ain't nothin' but a number...except if you're slicing meat.

song of the day: "edge of seventeen" -- stevie nicks

well, i lied. i did have time to post a blog before i went to AC. fancy that... and you, reader, are in luck! this is a good one. know what i learned today? now, brace yourself cuz it is highly interesting and thought-provoking...ready?? you sure??? ok, here it is: you need to be 18 in order to operate a meat slicer.

so, i was walking past the deli counter at my local A&P and noticed a large sign proclaiming just that fact, starting with the exclamation: "safety first!" several things intrigued me about this.

first of all, is this a state law? an A&P law? does the federal government get involved in this decision? maybe the manager of the store likes to make rules and guidelines that are there just to anger and confuse his younger employees? maybe like so...

storeclerk billy: "but why? why, manager bob, can't i slice meat? i'll be 18 in june..."
manager bob: "i already told you, it's a rule, billy, and rules are meant to be followed. now go mop aisle eight."

now that i think about it, i did see hand-written notes all over the registers threatening the consequences of employee cell-phone use while ringing people up and what might happen if they don't greet and inform the customers of specific savings...yeah, this manager sounds a little like a douchebag. let's just blame it on him/her for a bit.

my next question is why exactly 18? you can definitely work at the deli when you're 16 (personally, i worked at the mall when i was 16 but i did grow up in jersey) so...what's up with the meat slicer? i'm assuming it's because it's so sharp? a 16-year-old would surely cut himself with a meat slicer but once you're 18, well, you're just too wise and learned to make that mistake. in almost every state, you can drive a car when you're 16. cars are incredibly lethal. you're steering around literal tons of metal, plastic and gasoline. yet 16 seems just about right for that...interesting. in some states, you can drive a tractor when you're 12. that seems infinitely more dangerous than operating a meat slicer to me. is anyone with me on this? i mean, look at this thing!!

and what about if you're 75? with the economy the way it is right now, a lot of retirees are returning to the workforce... i'm not saying i'm ageist (see blog post "don't tell me my business, devil woman" ) but if you're having trouble trusting a strapping young lad or lady of 17 with the harrowing challenge of slicing meat, then there must be a foreseeable problem with the other side of the spectrum, no? i think grandpa has just as good a chance of losing a digit as a high school junior does. but maybe that's just me.

i'd also like to know if there are any other pieces of supermarket kitchen equipment you can't use until your 18. the oven? (oooohhh, it's hot. don't touch, billy.) the stand mixer? (watch out for the blade! it spins super fast!) a really, really sharp potato peeler? (i'm not providing a visual for this one. i'll let you imagine what might happen there.) i mean, you could conceivably kill/maim yourself or others with anything at all. a cinnamon stick could be a weapon if you use it in just the right way. i'm right, right?

so, because i am insanely devoted to this crazy blog, i did actually take time out of my day to google "meat slicer operation" to find out exactly who is in charge of this whole deal. turns out, it's the united states department of labor. apparently, these meat slicing machines are considered to be "hazardous." it seems to be, however, that they are only speaking of "commercial" meat slicers. those are the only ones that can really destroy your underaged children. so your average everyday meat slicer that you can buy at, say, target, hey, go ahead and get your 4-year-old to do your dirty work. they can slice meat all day long. it's all good according to the u.s. department of labor. what a bunch of weirdos...

fighting, screwing and reading the news.

here's a little something to tide you over until i return.



and then in case you're not fully entertained...there's this. i could watch this for hours. in fact, one day when i was stuck behind the front desk at work (accompanied by my awesome co-worker), i did. that was a good day...

failure...but with a twist!

song of the day: "running on faith" -- eric clapton

i've been a horrible blogger. and i admit it. i've actually already written one of these "amy sucks at blogging lately" posts at some point in the past so i will spare anyone the same old excuses and nonsense as to why i have been absent/silent/lazy/uninspired, etc.

instead, i vow to change my ways...for reals. i've said it before, i know, and you're probably thinking that this post will be followed by months of silence and then another apologetic post about my lack of writing. let me assure you i will try my best to make sure that doesn't happen. mostly because i would be excruciatingly embarrassed and have to resign completely from the blogging community. actually, they might excommunicate me at that point. i mean, seriously, how many chances should i be given? i'm a firm believer in second chances but thirds? that's just a little crazy. actually, i think this may be my fourth chance. shameful...

now, just to dash your hopes a little tiny bit, i don't have time today to write anything of real significance today. i'm leaving for AC (that's "atlantic city" for all you non-jersey dwellers) in a little while for an x-ray conference and massive amounts of drinking. i'll be back by the weekend, both to my home and to my blog.

so have some faith. that's basically what i'm runnin' on these days...