I'm Goin' Mobile

Turns out Blogger has an app...obviously. So now I can bring you super deep thoughts from the road! Don't worry, you can thank me later.

So today's ponderings ( not a real word--don't care) came after a much needed talk with a good friend. I started thinking about forgiveness and standards and how the actions of those around me can have such an amazing impact on my day, health, actions, reactions and life in general. I realized that forgiveness really is easy...but you have to *want* to forgive. Otherwise, it's damn near impossible.

I'm a pretty forgiving person. I lean towards the line of thinking that people are generally good. Few people go out of their way to hurt others, especially those close to them. There are misunderstandings and miscommunications and actions that take place out of anger or fear. But, generally speaking, people are pretty good at protecting themselves and, a lot of the time, this comes out as misdirected anger towards another when it is really ourselves we want to take it out on. I recognize this and can usually talk my way into letting it go and moving on. And I genuinely appreciate it when this door swings both ways.

Occasionally though, something is just unforgivable. I hate to say that and maybe I don't mean it quite that way. I know that refusing forgiveness is not about the other person, it's about me refusing to let something affect me for longer than it needs to. But just how far am I willing to go? What kinds of actions am I unwilling to forgive? Or are there any?

Perhaps I should define "forgiveness." I'm referring to the act of not holding a grudge, not carrying around hurt or anger with me everywhere I go. My definition does not include letting this person back into my life in the same way they were allowed before, and maybe not at all. Each situation is obviously different and, in each case, I must decide how much of what I'm feeling is anger towards that person and what is me protecting myself from this person. Because there is a difference.

There are lines that we all draw and I think they are where they are for a reason. Sometimes we need to evaluate why the lines are further out or closer in than maybe they should be. But other times, they are exactly where they are because that is exactly where they are meant to be.

So I'm taking it day by day, seeing how I feel, discovering what feels ok and what doesn't, what I'm willing to work on and what might be a lost cause. It feels pretty good to be in control of my surroundings in this way. It's my bubble, my protection and I'm calling the shots.