farmbook?

so, i've been having some issues with facebook recently. (i've also noticed that i start almost every email, text, blog post, etc with the word "so." perhaps i will address that next time. or just buy a thesaurus. anyway...)

here's my deal. i have been wanting to express this in written form in some capacity for quite some time now but it just seemed poor taste to lament about facebook on facebook. i didn't want to be one of those people who joined groups with titles like "nobody cares that you miss your boyfriend so shutup about it" or "your facebook posts make me want to kill myself." i think that having those come up in the newsfeed is a little bit passive-aggressive, no? i also didn't want to just come right out and tell people that i really don't give a good goddamn how many hammers they need in order to build a stable that will house the sad, stray goat they found wandering around their restaurant while they were tending to their aquarium where, by the way, the mafia wants to recruit you. (they told me to tell you they need guns.) so in case you haven't yet guessed, i hate...the stupid...games. and that's saying a lot for me. i'm not a big hater. i try to give everything a chance, i really do. but i just need to draw the line at farmville. we all have our limits and well, i guess this is mine.

first off, who the hell comes up with these friggin' games anyway? have you nothing better to do with your time? i would say that i hope they get paid truckloads of money for thinking this crap up but i think that might make me even more angry. i'm working my ass off to pay down my student loans and some idiot is sitting in a mansion thinking of easier ways to harvest computerized crops? that's bullshit. speaking of money, did you know that there are people who pay to play these games? apparently, instead of spending precious time online, you can just fork over your hard-earned cash. real, actual dollars are being spent to help some fool have the biggest, baddest farm in cyber space. hey, why waste your time playing the game when you can just buy it? is this america or what! capitalism at its finest! are these people out of their minds? 

now, i'll admit that i play bejeweled. and i purchased the app for my iphone. but it's different: it's finite. it's played in 60 second intervals and you try to score as many points as possible. then, you're done. until you start the next 60 second game. but the point is, i don't need to ask my "neighbors" for help. i don't require lumbar or kittens or volunteers to eat my leftover mac & cheese. it's my game and it doesn't clutter up anybody else's newsfeed. i don't post my high scores. i don't recruit non-bejeweled players to come see what they're missing. you have a brain. if you'd like to play bejeweled, i'm sure you'll figure out a way to make that dream become a reality. my game. my time. nobody else is involved.

and, seriously, they need to stop coming up with new and even more ridiculous games. it's insanely aggravating. now, i know full well that my feed is safe from farmville, frontier land, aquarium county or whatever because i have successfully "hid" them all with that fancy "hide" button they came up with (it's also equally effective on the facebook users with exceedingly depressing status updates.) so there i'll be, casually checking facebook when, low and behold, jimmy just loaded up his shopping cart with fresh cantaloupe in supermarket-city. son of a bitch! three seconds later, he's asking if anyone can spare a coupon for tomato sauce so he can properly prepare his pantry for winter. what the...? how quickly can i find the freakin' "hide" button, damnit. just when i think i'm in the clear, there's one more thing i don't want to see. and, i'm sorry, but how do these coupon transactions even take place? let's say i do partake in supermarket-city. how do i know i have a coupon? and how do i go about handing over a virtual coupon to jimmy? and has anyone noticed that this train of thought just took a sharp turn towards loony-ville? maybe that should be the next facebook game.


so there's my discontent with facebook. i honestly appreciate the fact that i can easily communicate with my friends who live up to 3000 miles away that i haven't seen in years, but really, dude. ease up on the whacked-out games for a bit, mmmk? perhaps focus that energy on getting the facebook app on my phone to stop saying i have 87 new notifications when, really, i just have the one. how 'bout we work on that. that'd be sweet.